Who I Want to Be

A couple years ago I made a bulleted list of "Who I Want to Be". As I was organizing our office (FINALLY), I came across this document and am so glad I did. Because, I'm kind of failing at a lot of these things, haha! I need to have it up and read it every day so I can have a constant reminder of what I am striving for.

I'd like to share them with you all for a couple of reasons:

1. So I can write them down again and hopefully remember each characteristic better. 
2. Because I want to be held more accountable for things I set out to do. No idea who is reading this blog (if anyone) but at least I put it out to cyberspace and someone might read it at some point. 
3. Maybe it will inspire you to do the same. It's been helpful for me, and I hope it will be for you too. 

Ahem... here is "Who I Want to Be":

• Humble
• I want this to be my natural reaction to everything
• In every sense of the word. Thoughts, words, deeds, reactions, intents, motivations, etc. 
• Desire to do the Lord's will, not my own
• Complete confidence with who I am and with my Lord
• Not afraid to speak/stand up for what I believe
• No matter what negative blows this world throws at me, I don't want to stutter or question who I am, what I stand for, and who I represent
• I will always respond with humble confidence
• Absolute Obedience
• Commandments and instruction from the brethren
• The Spirit. Never hesitate or question the whisperings of the Spirit
• Unconditionally Loving
• I want others to feel God's love when they are around me (This doesn't always mean super nice)
• Honest
• Every and any situation I am presented with I will respond with complete honesty
• I will not beat around the bush. I will be swift and straight in my responses, no matter the consequences
• Optimistic and Strong
• Especially when there are others being affected by what's happening
• I won't let emotions take over
• Never stop progressing
• There is always something that can be learned, somthing that I can work on
• Always making and achieving goals
• Mentally, emotionally physically and spiritually
• Consistent Temple Attendance
• I will go to the temple every week as long as I live (within reason)
• Compassionate, supportive and awesome wife
• When the time comes, I want to be there for my husband in every way possible. Serve him like crazy and NEVER stop
• Loving and Nurturing ... but firm mother
• Never lose my patience, and consistent in discipline and nurture
• Correct principles taught from a young age
• Beautiful. Inside and out
• Focus inward but be aware of the outside
• Meek
• Not get offended easily
• Never let myself get angry. No guile in my life
• Passionate
• With EVERYTHING that I do, or else don't do it
• A Covenant Keeper
• Always remember what they are and study their meaning
• A Doer
• "No time like the present"
• Always do things, don't spend too much time thinking or talking about it

Obviously this was written a couple years ago. I'd like to revisit this to update and add to it. These are tough.. still working on a lot of these and will be for the rest of my life. 

I'm grateful for the Savior and that He atoned for my sins, and everyone else's, so that I can fail at things on this list... and then try again. It's hard for me with my personality the way that it is to remember that I can fail. 

Ever since I was little, I have had this unhealthy obsession with being perfect. Because of that, I sometimes justify my actions, thoughts, etc. and fool myself into thinking that I'm not failing. I let things that aren't right, be OK in my mind. That's not who I want to be. I don't want to give excuses, make justifications, and fool myself and others. I just want to BE these things that I wrote above and that means acknowledging my mistakes, really feeling the pain and guilt, sincerely repenting, and trying again and again and again and again... until these things are a part of me. That's a daunting and long process, but there will be small successes along the way and I need to hold on to those. 

Authentic Christie

This week I was lucky enough to receive some INCREDIBLE life coaching from my sister-in-law, Sarah. She and I have always gotten along very well, I feel like she understands me more than most people. When she asked if she could practice her coaching on me, I didn't even hesitate to answer yes! I told her I was going to be a tough case, but she gladly accepted the challenge. I'm so grateful she did! The whole experience was extremely eye-opening and gave me just the jump-start I needed to start making some improvements in my life.

The Issue:
Ever since I was a little girl (way back in the day when my hair was short and got mistaken for a boy), I have always had this dilemma where I had to please everyone. I had to say the right thing, laugh when I was supposed to, and just be well, perfect. I've let this need to be perfect run my life for far too long. I don't want to live my life in constant worry about what other people are thinking about me. I don't want to change who I am according to who I am hanging out with...  I just want to be "Authentic Christie". This issue, is what I brought to the table for my coaching session with Sarah, and she rocked it!

I won't go into the details of what we did and everything we talked about, because it was an hour long session...but a really cool part for me was when we went through and listed a couple things that entail being Authentic Christie, as well as what Authentic Christie would be doing. Here are a few things that I came up with:

Authentic Christie

Being:

• Goofy
• A leader
• Optimistic
• Powerful
• Kind 
• Compassionate
• Energetic
• Purple Unicorn (this one came from Sarah, haha!)
• Crazy Dancer 
• Light Hearted
• Open/receptive
• Friendly
• Loyal
• Strength
• Potential
• Inspiring
• Respected

Doing:

• Leading
• Inspiring
• Helping
• Teaching
• Listening
• Serving
• Traveling/Exploring
• Active
• Outdoors
• Spending time with Family/Family Focused
• Progressing
• Motivating
• Performing
• Rock Star
• Latin Dancer
• Own my own company
• Impactful
• Famous

This was a really cool exercise for me, because I was able to feel the excitement of actually being and doing Authentic Christie. It really motivated me. It's so simple.. but realizing and outlining your own potential is such a crucial step. I want to add to this list, and I can't wait to have these words be just, who I am.

I'm going to start setting daily goals for myself. I'm usually a monthly, or yearly goal kind of girl, but this is going to be such a huge change for me that I want to track my progress daily. 

Wish me luck! 

I'm Back

Hi.

I just had a blast reading through my old posts. I am ridiculous! Writing has never really been my strong suit, but I think I thought it was when I was writing those posts.

I'm not much of a blogger (as you can see by all my previous posts), but I see the value in writing blog posts.

1. Connection. There's something to be said about leaving your mark on the world. Even if this mark is just in cyberspace, it's still out there for the world to see. It's always nice to think about those who are seeing it, and hopefully connect with it, possibly even positively affected by it. 
2. Organizing. It's also nice to really think through thoughts and experiences and organize them through writing. Actually quite therapeutic and it's unfortunate that I have lost touch with this for so long. 
3. A Record. The most obvious value to writing is the history you are leaving behind for posterity, as well as for yourself. I hope my future children get as much of a kick out of my ludicrous writing as I did tonight.

A couple common themes I noticed in my previous writing... gratitude, a love of life, and a desire to be better. All things, that I think haven't been as prevalent in my life lately. I'm not saying that it was just the writing/blogging that caused me to be so passionate about those things, but it definitely brought them to the forefront of my mind. I was giving myself the opportunity to reflect and make my mark with those reflections. 

I think i'm going to get back into this again. Selfishly, because I earnestly want those things back in my life and I believe I need a little self discovery lately. I think blogging might help me in that journey in some small way. Hopefully, along the way, I can bless someone's life as well. 

A lot of things have happened since 2011, the biggest of which is that I married Michael Nielsen. He's the most handsome man in the world. That's not why I married him though, I married him, because he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He has blessed my life in more ways than I can ever count. He helped me grow up, and start to become the person I want to be. He's the closest thing to perfect, and I think i'll go so far as to say that he is perfect, for me. 

Throughout my whole dating life, I knew what I wanted in my eternal companion. I had it all worked out in my mind. I knew the kind of person he was, I just couldn't describe it to people. I always called it, "The X-Factor". The X-Factor is that thing, that you use to describe why it didn't work out with the guys that were perfect on paper. I think you all know what I'm talking about. For me... the X-Factor was Michael. Don't stop reading, I promise I won't always be that cheesy. Really though, everything about Michael makes sense to me. He made it really easy for me to fall in love with him, and he continues to do that every day. It was so easy and right. I felt a calm and a peace in my mind every time I thought about marrying him. He is my guy. 

I've worked at a couple different companies since my last post. I worked at BYU right after I graduated, in the Marketing department, then worked at a company called Property Solutions as a Recruiter, and my most recent position was at a company called Zefr. Each position has taught me a lot and i'm grateful to have had those opportunities. Where I learned the most was at Zefr. The lessons I learned there weren't only work-related, but also opened my eyes to the type of person i've been allowing myself to become lately. 

I quit my job there this week. I won't go into detail on why, because it's not necessary. But after working there, I have decided it's time to start doing some serious contemplation on who I am and who I want to be. Because right now, those are two very different things. 

I'm already turning this post into a novel, so perhaps I should bring my remarks to a close. I'm glad I've gotten back onto my blog. It's been really good for me to look back on my life. I'm excited to start making some changes in my life and document the journey.