Who I Want to Be

A couple years ago I made a bulleted list of "Who I Want to Be". As I was organizing our office (FINALLY), I came across this document and am so glad I did. Because, I'm kind of failing at a lot of these things, haha! I need to have it up and read it every day so I can have a constant reminder of what I am striving for.

I'd like to share them with you all for a couple of reasons:

1. So I can write them down again and hopefully remember each characteristic better. 
2. Because I want to be held more accountable for things I set out to do. No idea who is reading this blog (if anyone) but at least I put it out to cyberspace and someone might read it at some point. 
3. Maybe it will inspire you to do the same. It's been helpful for me, and I hope it will be for you too. 

Ahem... here is "Who I Want to Be":

• Humble
• I want this to be my natural reaction to everything
• In every sense of the word. Thoughts, words, deeds, reactions, intents, motivations, etc. 
• Desire to do the Lord's will, not my own
• Complete confidence with who I am and with my Lord
• Not afraid to speak/stand up for what I believe
• No matter what negative blows this world throws at me, I don't want to stutter or question who I am, what I stand for, and who I represent
• I will always respond with humble confidence
• Absolute Obedience
• Commandments and instruction from the brethren
• The Spirit. Never hesitate or question the whisperings of the Spirit
• Unconditionally Loving
• I want others to feel God's love when they are around me (This doesn't always mean super nice)
• Honest
• Every and any situation I am presented with I will respond with complete honesty
• I will not beat around the bush. I will be swift and straight in my responses, no matter the consequences
• Optimistic and Strong
• Especially when there are others being affected by what's happening
• I won't let emotions take over
• Never stop progressing
• There is always something that can be learned, somthing that I can work on
• Always making and achieving goals
• Mentally, emotionally physically and spiritually
• Consistent Temple Attendance
• I will go to the temple every week as long as I live (within reason)
• Compassionate, supportive and awesome wife
• When the time comes, I want to be there for my husband in every way possible. Serve him like crazy and NEVER stop
• Loving and Nurturing ... but firm mother
• Never lose my patience, and consistent in discipline and nurture
• Correct principles taught from a young age
• Beautiful. Inside and out
• Focus inward but be aware of the outside
• Meek
• Not get offended easily
• Never let myself get angry. No guile in my life
• Passionate
• With EVERYTHING that I do, or else don't do it
• A Covenant Keeper
• Always remember what they are and study their meaning
• A Doer
• "No time like the present"
• Always do things, don't spend too much time thinking or talking about it

Obviously this was written a couple years ago. I'd like to revisit this to update and add to it. These are tough.. still working on a lot of these and will be for the rest of my life. 

I'm grateful for the Savior and that He atoned for my sins, and everyone else's, so that I can fail at things on this list... and then try again. It's hard for me with my personality the way that it is to remember that I can fail. 

Ever since I was little, I have had this unhealthy obsession with being perfect. Because of that, I sometimes justify my actions, thoughts, etc. and fool myself into thinking that I'm not failing. I let things that aren't right, be OK in my mind. That's not who I want to be. I don't want to give excuses, make justifications, and fool myself and others. I just want to BE these things that I wrote above and that means acknowledging my mistakes, really feeling the pain and guilt, sincerely repenting, and trying again and again and again and again... until these things are a part of me. That's a daunting and long process, but there will be small successes along the way and I need to hold on to those.